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I’ve been riding and realizing how much gas money it’s going to take to drive back east next month.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the Computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought “CarNT”, but then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “General Protection Fault” warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.
9. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You’d press the “Start” button to shut off the engine.

Actual Diary stuff

Otherwise I just got back from Hotel Canada which if you didn’t know also goes by the handle Casa del Vino and is located in Tuc/son Asserona. 3 of the 6 people (8 cats and 800 bottles of wine excluded) rode 35h training weeks while they were there and ended up in being rocked.

I did something last month that I’ve never done before in my life. Since I don’t think anyone will guess, I’ll tell you, so you won’t have to go bald in suspense. I started paying for leg rubs. Yup. That’s how serious I am about the upcoming cycling Season. I’ve been making regular visits to Joan Poole. So if you’re in Bakersfield area and need your legs rubbed(I’m sure that she’s good on backs and other parts too) look her up. If she’s good enough to pry money from my balled up fists, you can rest assured that you legs will be feeling a hella lot better

OK I know that I made fun of my mother last post. Yes there was a huge outcry. I still love my mother. But for all you people sending me hate-mail for bashing my mother, why not be more positive and send her some love (or remind her that in raising a son like me she’s made her bed) Either way here’s her e-mail address: noreenfaulkner at Hotmail.com

The Ninja and Hell came down to Visit me this week in Bakersfield. It’s funny that I’ve known Hell since she was 8 as we were on FitCompany (Nordic Ski team) togther, but today was the first time that we’ve ever ridden out bikes together.

The sun is hotting up here and after too many noon’s in it I decided to go try the old Ninja/ Focker Routine at the LA circuit race this Sunday. It should be a good benchmark for the training. I’m pretty good at going tempo for 6h or really fast for 300m. The inbetween stuff (aka high end) hasn’t really been worked on so there could be some suffering.

Peace. Mommy, If I post your picture up here will you forgive me?

WHich reminds me to remind you. Back up your computer. I sent it (again) for them to replace the battery, and they changed the hard drive while they were at it. So if you have any pictures that I’ve sent you of me since August, I don’t have them.

Q: Do you know why escaped convicts wear orange jumpsuits?
A: So that as soon as you see them, you will know to run.

Thanks, I’ll try to edit this some time.

Ha.

OUt