Setting Jest aside, my first Ever SERIOUS Entry
So I heard today (from my spy no less) that there is someone, not related to me, who is reading this diary.
I doubted this initially, but then what’s the purpose of having spies, if you’re not going to change your ways based on their shaky findings.
So in honor of my other reader (mom maybe you could finally have someone ‘nice’ to write to…) I will stop clowning around, correct some of the myths, and set a few things straight. AND not once will I post pictures up of me leaping around in a purple jumpsuit.
Nathaniel B. Myth-Busters
Myth #1: Nathaniel Has no Job
False: Nothing could be in fact farther from the truth.
1) Look at the title above you. I am a professional Cyclist
2) I am a Writer (duh)
3) Master sales person (new auctions on Wednesday)
4) Manny (Man Nannie) – I’ll baby sit your critters aged Zero through 34 years, beyond that you’re outta my skill level.
Myth #2: Nathaniel is riding RAAM this year
False: I am 100% not riding RAAM this year, nor will I ride it again without a contract overseen by Super-Agent Dan So. I will also not be riding the tour of the Rockies this year, but if you want to send me your resume, because there’s a spot open.
Myth #3: Nathaniel Has Mad Game with the Ladies
False: I really and truly haven’t a fathom of an ideal where or how this thing got started. The most accurate way to sum up my lifestyle is traveling hermit. I have no game whatsoever.
This doesn’t stop people from giving me a laundry list of couples, wives and fiancés whom they wish me to split up. The problem is though is that no one has told me how to brake these people up. Back in 2000 I once managed to brake up a couple. I told the girl that her boyfriend (who smoked among other revolting habits) was an idiot. The following month I returned and she was (and still is) dating my brother.
Myth #4: Nathaniel Has no Home
False: I have many, many homes. To the tune of 70 a year, essentially where ever the Subie is parked, that nearest house, is my ‘home’.
Myth #5: Nathaniel doesn’t Care aboot Spelling/ Grammar
Uhhh, True. I could really care less about the spelling and Grammar in my Blog. As a youth, studying for tests in such areas, I would just tell my mother that in ‘real life’ I would just have my secretary proof read things for me. Beerow. I’ll have to admit the few times I’ve tried reading these ‘articles’ it’s annoying because they’re such garbled monkey scratches. Beh.
I know that there’s a butt-ton more out there. Mainly yarns which Pinner has spun out there in Victoria, there’s nothing quite as exciting as hearing ‘you’re Nat Faulkner, I’ve heard about you’. Or sometimes ‘You’re Nat Faulkner’, yeah it just warms my heart. Well, did Pinner tell you that we lived together for so long that technically we were common-law? Eh? I bet he forgot to mention that.
Everywhere I go, People always ask me:
‘Nat how did you manage to win the Street Sprint competition in Syracuse? Well I trained Harder, I’m more talented, Have a better coach, and I’m just plain old More Focused.
(I didn’t photoshop that, proving someone has more free time that I)
The upcoming week I’ll be at Beauce. If you think you’re hot stuff on a bicycle, this is your litmus test. It’s much harder than Redlands, or any of those other events. It will be interesting to see how the cookie crumbles as I’ve trained a tad smarter this go around. One thing about Quebec is that every time I got there, I get stung by bees.
After that I have a few Toronto area races, and will then spend the month of July out racing bicycles in British Columbia. (see job #1)
Now a few myths which from the cutting room floor. (True/False)
Nathaniel B. is…
1) Insecure
2) shy
3) fussy eater
4) rich (financially)
5) Most likely to be found felling trees the day before a race
6) Dull and entirely uneventful to hang out with
7) Tattoo Free
NATurally Early Riser
9) Collected stamps in his youth
10) Keeps his mouth so tightly shut, his foot would never fit in.
11) Reliable
12) Punctual
13) I always need to be around people because left to my own devices I would expire from boredom
For the readers who are related to me, or what have you, treat this as a true or false test. If anyone wants a prize, right or wrong, I’ll mail you something if you give me your address.
OK send me your fan-mail/ forwarded letters to my mother or a myth which you want validated. Peace.
